88 lines
13 KiB
HTML
88 lines
13 KiB
HTML
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<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html>
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<head>
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<title>alien</title>
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<style>
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body {
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color: #000;
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background-image: url('/stars5.gif');
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}
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.sitemap {
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border: 3px solid;
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padding: 5px;
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width: 600px;
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color: #000;
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background-color: #fff;
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height: 600px;
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font-size: 19px;
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font-family: times;
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margin: 0 auto;
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overflow-y: scroll;
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}
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a:visited {
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color: #000;
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}
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a {
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color: #000;
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}
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h1 {
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color: #fff;
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}
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#fuck {
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text-shadow: -1px 0 #000, 0 1px #000, 1px 0 #000, 0 -1px #000, 0 0;
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font-style: italic;
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font-size:2em;
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font-weight:bold;
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color: #fff;
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-webkit-animation: pop 1s ease-in-out infinite alternate;
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animation: pop 1s ease-in-out infinite alternate;
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-moz-animation: pop 1s ease-in-out infinite alternate;
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}
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@keyframes pop {
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from {
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transform:scale(0.95)
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}
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50% {
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transform:scale(1)
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}
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to {
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transform:scale(0.95)
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}
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}
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@-webkit-keyframes pop {
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from {
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-webkit-transform:scale(0.95)
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}
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50% {
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-webkit-transform:scale(1)
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}
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to {
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-webkit-transform:scale(0.95)
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}
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}
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</style>
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</head>
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<body><br><center><a href="/homepage" style="color:#fff;">home</a>
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<h1>On Deconstructing "Tumblr Brain" & Learning How To Fucking Have Fun With Media
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</h1></div>
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<div class="sitemap"><br><center>originally posted on Dreamwidth in 2024, with minor edits made since then. Mentions of child abuse, abuse, and incest. </center><hr>
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If you've never been on Tumblr (and I envy you deeply if this is the case), it's a cesspit of judgement and harassment. Suicide-baiting over fictional disagreements runs rampant there. I have been on there since 2010 (and yes, I'm only 23, so do the math). I have seen things.<br /><br />Because of my severe disabilities, I can't really leave the house or socialize IRL often. So, I rely on websites like Tumblr for socialization, and I pretty much always have. Sometimes I wonder: if I never joined my school's "Tumblr craze", would I be a completely different person today? I think I absolutely would. I think I would've ended up there eventually, but I don't think I would've joined it so young, because joining it at nine whole years old <em>really </em>messed me up. <br /><br />For my first few years, I was in what I like to call "real fandom". I didn't have a LJ account, but I frequently checked it for Classic Who and Spike/Angel fanfiction. I followed mainly 25+ year olds on Tumblr (who, bless them, did not know my real age during this time because I was smart and lied about it, which I would stop doing once the "you HAVE to disclose your age" discourse blew up. <em>Yeah.</em>) I wrote whatever kind of fanfiction I wanted to write, because I didn't have people in my ear going "if you portray anything darker than a florist AU you must be a terrible abuser IRL". I didn't feel a need to clarify I don't agree with a villainous character's actions whenever I discussed them---I assumed, well, he's not real and I am, so it doesn't actually mean anything. I didn't feel a need to constantly censor myself, and drastically self-correct/forcibly change aspects of myself based on any criticism I received regardless of its validity or authenticity---this is what is <em>expected </em>of you on there. I also didn't feel a need to care much about what other people thought of me. I just did my own thing in my own corner.<br /><br />I miss that time <em>so much.<br /><br /></em>From what I remember, Tumblr was sort of always toxic (barring maybe during the quiet first period of its initial founding in 2007), but it really started to get bad around 2016, which is... interesting, considering what <em>other </em>things were going on during that time in its very US-centric userbase. I talked to my therapist today about this whole phenomenon, and while she didn't really Get it (which I absolutely cannot blame her for, because it is batshit impossible to explain to someone who isn't experiencing it firsthand themselves), she did point out that a lot of it is fear-based, a lot of it has to do with this blind fear that conservatives have intentionally crafted against this exaggerated narrative of a Child Abuser, which is something that all normal people find revolting, except they don't <em>really </em>mean child abusers, they mean queer people. To them, it's one in the same, even though they're statistically more likely to be the abusive ones. Being queer is inherently abusive to conservative ideology at large. I was talking to some friends today about how this is completely intentional, and two-pronged: they want us to in-fight as a distraction and they Also want everyone else to see us as inherently pedophilic too. So why are we pushing this narrative for them? Why are we running around in circles calling each other abuse supporters over fiction, when we could be fighting against actual, IRL abuse?</cut><br /><br />And further, why am I expected to partake in the discourse just because I want to use a website? I don't want to be part of any discourse or moral crusade against a fictitious Scarymonster---I do experience a <em>real </em>Scarymonster in real life every day. I want to post about my favorite shows and talk to my friends. When there are extremely drastic world events, I raise awareness for them! But mostly I just want to mind my own business nowadays. Not to mention I myself am a survivor, so it is deeply triggering to see this discourse.<br /><br />On Tumblr, this is also seen as equiv
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<p></p> </div>
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</body>
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</html>
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