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## domino dancing

||Negative Spirit character study. inspired by [Duncan, Rachel], which is a fic I've been obsessed with for almost like 10 years now.

Adjectives the Spirit learned on Earth:

Torturous, excruciating, gentle. Furious, burdensome, beautiful. Repulsive, parasitic, loving. Defeated, perplexed, devoted. Torturous. Torturous. Torturous. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

NOTES: This is a non-exhaustive list. This list emphasizes the most exhausting aspects of humanity. The Spirit learned many things on Earth; accurate description is transitory.

Adjectives the Spirit would use to describe Earth:

Torturous .

Alternatives:

1. Larry places his hand against their face. Larry places his flesh against their flesh, which, at the crux of it all, is really just his own flesh, but in space there are no borders drawn around them, there are no lines built up to keep the love in. Larry places himself against them, because he can’t help it, because there’s only so much he can take before he gets desperate, and because he knows all of this has been an invitation, a calming hand to guide him into the most inextricable togetherness anyone can comprehend. They both disappear into light. Happily ever after. Amen. The end.
2. "I love you," Larry says, his right hand pressed deep into his own chest as the fingers on his other hand spread apart, imagining the Spirit entwined with his essence. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here."
3. Charles Forsythe pulls the trigger.
4. Larry's X-15 makes its historic landing unscathed. Larry returns - unscathed - to the void that consumed his life, the spiral of lies built up precariously around him like sandcastle walls. He does not make it out unscathed. No one in this situation gets out.
5. There is no parallel universe in which the Spirit would have accepted his sacrifice. Let's say the Spirit accepted his sacrifice, humor me, let's say they couldn't take it anymore, let's say he wasn't worth it and there was no beauty involved in their unsolvable equation. The Spirit does not linger above the manor as he coughs up blood. The Spirit returns home but the memory of Larry Trainor's life does not remain on the planet below; let's say it haunts them in a way so parasitic it outshines their early days together. Let's say the Spirit has been irreparably changed. How do you live with that knowledge? How do you keep going when he's static and decaying under the Earth? How do you cope with death when you're designed to live forever?
6. The Spirit leaves Larry even after he touches them. No, wait—

Approximate number of times the Spirit misses Earth: 3. Approximate number of times the Spirit misses the other residents of Doom Manor: 3. Approximate number of times the Spirit misses * Larry after returning home: Unknown; data too abundant to analyze.

*NOTES: misses is perhaps not the correct term to use in the third sentence. It makes them feel ill, like their entire composition is being tugged apart, each seam and crackle pulled away from one another until the Spirit is a sad sick thing of void, pried open and self-exiled. I won't deduct any points, but here's my suggestion for the final draft: add more detail. Why does the Spirit miss him? In your own words, how would you describe that kind of pain?

True or False

1. The Spirit loved Larry Trainor.

TRUE FALSE

1. The Spirit loves Larry Trainor.

TRUE FALSE

1. The Negative Spirit has always loved Larry Trainor, since the moment they were thrust into his body, since the moment they killed the inhuman Bureau of Normalcy agents, since the Earth mourned and boomed itself into being, since the beginning of the end, since everything flooded between the cracks of reality, since the moment he touched them, since he touched them.

TRUE FALSE

1. The Negative Spirit has always been trapped inside of Larry Trainor, unable to exhale or stretch their wings or let go.

TRUE FALSE

1. They used to think it was a dutiful suffering.

TRUE FALSE

1. It was a dutiful suffering.

TRUE FALSE

1. No one survives Larry Trainor.

TRUE FALSE

Unknown

“Ask it a question.”

Who are you? What do you want more than anything else? Rewind. Who do you want more than anything else? What do you want from them? Rewind. If you could love in a way that was positive, without droplets of your love hardening into obstacles in the path, who would you give yourself to? Who would you leave behind? Rewind. Are you aware that nothing lasts forever, not even you, not even the immortal? Rewind. Are you aware that you are a burden? Do you know that he still carries the weight of you in his chest, long after your absence? Rewind. Who are you? Do you have a name?

Rewind.

Who are you? Do you still know? Do you still have a name?

“I told you not to hold back.”

Alright, let’s get to the meat of it all. What would you do if you had a human body? What would you do if you had lungs that something could nest in? What would you do if you had tangible flesh? What would you do if you had functioning vocal cords, folding in on each other in symphonic vibration, each string plucked and each key pressed down to create the harmony of your first words ever truly spoken? What would your first words be? NOTE: Push the buttons with more precision. What would you say to the planet? What would you say to him? Rewind. Would you tell him you’re sorry? Rewind. Would you tell him you just wanted him to be happy, that this whole time all you’ve wanted is for him to feel loved and to love himself? Did you know that you stole those sensations from him when you went home, that you tore small holes in his scorched tissue and it will never grow back quite right now that you’re gone? Did you know that? Rewind.

What would you say to your son?

NOTE: Now we’re getting somewhere.

Alterity

The Spirit is different from

Jane: in how they ached when they touched her mind, and how their mind is scarred and horrendously vast and yet they still cannot comprehend that kind of pain; Hammerhead: in how she doesn’t bother to hide her anger, how she was never able to, how she broke herself free from being obligated to; Rita: in how their perception of themselves diminished and flattened and ascended throughout their years on Earth, transforming into a lowly sickness that couldn’t spark bright enough anymore, how they both viewed themselves as monstrous but with the Spirit there were no facades; Vic: in how he called them a hero and how the Spirit wept when he called them a hero and how the Spirit will never

ever

be a

hero;

Cliff: in how they will never see their child flourish, and how they chose that kind of abandonment with the universe’s gift of free will, how they’ve abused the universe’s gift of free will, how their son will grow up thinking his father never loved him.

Adjectives the Spirit would use to describe Larry Trainor:

Torturous. Beautiful.

Approximate number of times the Spirit thinks about them, on the planetary surface so far away, living a life of togetherness that the Spirit will never be included in: 103, so far. 104. 105. 1

Approximate number of times the Spirit imagines holding their son: Data insufficient.