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# Back

## closing my eyes (just when i'm supposed to)

|| Larry/Negative Spirit/Rama, post-canon.

i.

No one knows what happens when you explode and become a sun—no one's ever tried it before and returned to tell the tale. Larry certainly doesn't know what to expect. He tells Rama the truth as far as he can parse it: Keeg has them. Keeg knows what to do. He has to trust his son; he may be an infant, but he has intelligence beyond human imagination. Besides, the Spirit itself had guided them here.

Rama had kissed him, and the sensation was scraping—embarrassing, as if it was his very first, his body igniting like the forlorn airplane crash, warmth enveloping them as the celestial bodies enveloped them as rebirth crafted them all into something higher. They floated high in space, reigning above all, their love raining down over Earth to transform it. A new sun.

He tries not to be afraid as they explode. Larry watches his body separate, watches on as Rama’s body separates, and they shed their physical forms—both discarded bodies burst and disperse into light. Rama looks almost like a Negative Spirit—his energy form is only seen briefly before the flash of light, but his soul is multicolored, flashing and shifting between hues like mixing watercolors. He has no face, only eyes of pure white that curl as if smiling until the Final Light washes over them all.

ii.

When Larry wakes up, he is terrified.

They’re back in the manor. They—they can’t be back in the manor.

“Buddy?” he says, praying to the divine that there will be a pool of blue in his chest this time, that he hasn’t been ripped out from the celestial a second time. His son needs him. “Keeg?”

There’s no answer. Rama, too, is unreachable. Larry feels like he’s been cheated out of his happy ending, feels the brief glimpse of happiness fade away into forgotten sunlight. He walks into the library, sinks down into a chair, and buries his head in his hands. He cries, emitting small sobs that stain his bandages wet. It’s not… fair. Jane gets to explore space, and Cliff gets to go home, and Rita gets to die. He—

“You can take those off now.”

The voice is not Rama’s, and it certainly does not belong to Keeg. He looks up, sees the familiar blue frame shimmering over him, sparking in serenity as the Spirit holds Keeg in their arms. He did not expect—or necessarily want— this.

“You,” he says.

“Me,” the Spirit says back.

“Where’s Rama?”

“Rama is preparing food. He is waiting for you.”

Larry blinks, and the bandages dissipate, fading into nothingness over his body, flesh whole and uncharred now. Larry looks at his hands, looks back up at the Spirit, looks at his hands again. He tries to banish the thought, but it persists: long ago these were the Spirit’s hands, too.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Your mind cannot comprehend the Negative Space, even with our child’s presence,” the Spirit explains. “Together, with Keeg, I have created a more tangible pocket dimension for you to live in after your transformation. That is what we were discussing before you left for the portal.”

Larry blinks in shock. “You did this for us?’

“Yes. It looks like the manor because it is the most familiar place to you, but you can shift the scenery at any time simply by holding Rama’s hand and concentrating with him on your destination.”

Larry watches the Spirit float above him. It holds Keeg so close—with the desperation of someone separated from their family for decades—with appreciation, with awe. The Spirit looks down at Keeg, and one of Keeg’s hands reaches up to touch the Spirit’s face.

He tries to stop it, but the words spill out as if vomited thickly onto the ground: “You can stay,” he says, “if you want.”

The Spirit deserves to know its son.

It looks back at Larry, as if to say something, but decides to leave it at a simple nod of acknowledgement. Larry can’t quite figure out what that means.

“Good,” calls another voice, smooth, melting into the air. “‘Cause I kinda like this guy, actually.”

Larry turns—Rama, in a bright patterned shirt, leaning against the doorframe.

“What, you two talked?”

“Took you a little while to wake up,” Rama says to Larry. “They explained everything to me. What do you think, Keeg, hm? Can we keep them?”

iii.

“We can have anything we want here,” Rama says. “We can do anything. Like Immortimas, but real.”

The Spirit had taken Keeg to the main dimension to meet his extended family, and Rama had taken Larry’s hand in his sleep, transforming the world around them into a beach at sunrise. Larry woke up earlier to the sound of calm waves, the peace of no danger, strong tranquility.

He sips the mimosa Rama prepared for him. It’s his first alcoholic beverage in seven decades, and sure, it’s not real, but it tastes just like real citrus. He gazes into Rama’s eyes.

“Not really sure what I did to deserve this,” Larry chuckles.

“You deserve it because you’re you.”